Soccer is my LIFE!!!!!

Zo started soccer again. How cute is it when the girls who aren’t playing are cheering on the sidelines?

She didn’t score, mainly because she said she got elbowed in the guts early on, but did have so many great assists. I think they are going to have a fun season. The parents are really cool too. It’s nice to see the same faces once in a while.

Can’t seem to be able to upload pictures…. so sad.

I can do this, but I just can’t write now cos I have lots to do!

Your assignment today: Send healing power to my dad because he has a hairline fracture in his foot and to my mom because she’s fighting off the flu.

Steroids & Not the Barry Bonds Kind

Well, they upped my steroids. My Dr. said it is (or guesses) GVH of my mouth. So we will see what happens with this new dose.

The guessing drives me nuts. Their only saving grace is that the staff (esp the nurses) are so awesome.

Zoe is home with a tummy ache. I think I’m going to take the day off and do some pampering. I’ve been feeling so punk that I’d like to have some nice mom & Zoe time.

I can do this. I smell so pretty!

No assignment. Enjoy your weekend. Get a designated driver, please.

Insomnia is Stealing My Soul

Fix. Me.

I can’t write so I’ll use my mad haiku skillz at 5am. Again, literally bone tired, this time medicated and still tossing and turning, restless and aching.

Mouth pain back in force
Agony of debu_lips
I’m happy but sad

Ouch I can’t even haiku. I’m set to get up in an hour to take Z to school.

Enough!!! I need a real doctor who is actually interested in making me better rather than having good survival stats. It’s called quality of life. I’m at the point where I would try just about any quackwackery to fix what ails me.

It may be time to break out Sis #2’s GREEN GOO!!!!

Brave Sister

I love Sis #2’s pictures. That was the best surprise for Zoe as not only were Sis #1’s kiddos there for her birthday, but Sis #2 and her whole family drove up to spend time with us. Sis #2 was the sis that took care of Zoe for about 9 months when I first was diagnosed. She’s pretty much Zoe’s 2nd mommy.

She took some pictures at Z’s birthday party, but accidentally erased them, so she took some at the park.

I love this picture. What a lovely surprise. It is such a typical Zoe shot. Spirited. Full of life. Always on the move.

I especially love Sis #2’s caption:

Hello up there

This is my niece. She just turned 8 on Thursday.

I took a lot of great pictures at her birthday party, but the world will never see them because I ACCIDENTALLY ERASED THEM ALL!

This is one of my “sorry I deleted your picture let me make that up by taking 6 kids (3 of mine, 2 nieces, 1 nephew) to the park and re-shooting them” shots.

BTW – this is how people “live on the edge”, after they have kids – they take a 1/2 dozen young children to the park by themselves. I highly recommend it if you do not have enough excitement or chaos in your life.

I love my sisters. Big hugs go out to Sis #3 who we were not able to see (hey, no worries, soccer season is coming up again. Zoe loves when y’all come watch!!)

I can do this. Someone adores me.

Your assignment today is to tell me about your favorite picture and/or link me to it. I love photography, but never really got into it.


I’m feeling a little better and am actually going to attempt some food today to see how it goes. I really need to see a doc to get a tune up or something.


I have been so sick for the past few days. I think I had food poisoning or something. I haven’t been able to eat anything since.

Zoe had a great birthday. I love seeing her so happy.

I hope you all have a happy Easter. I’m going to attempt food.

I can do this. I’m in a fantastic mood all things considering.

Happy 8th Birthday My Bird-Talking Superstar

Today is Zoe’s Birthday. I can’t believe she’s going to be eight. These past few years have just flown by. I know that happens with all parents, but with what we’ve been through, it almost feels I’ve missed a year or two.

Third Birthday (and no, she’s not wearing makeup):

I feel so blessed to still be here. To still be able to be part of Zoe’s life. When I think of what I’ve been through, I can’t believe I’m here sometime.

But Zoe is the reason. She was the Keeper of my Hope. She still amazes me at age 8 as she has from day one.

She makes me laugh and she gives me hope – watching her read, playing with her friends, doing something kind for me or my parents, listening to her pray, watching her work at volunteering events, watching her play sports and simply watching her. She’s a funny kid. I’m so proud to be her mother.

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I really think this will be a great year for us. It feels like a very special year.

I can do this. I have Zoe.

Your assignment is to send Z some fun birthday wishes. She loves to read them.


Besides, how can you not love a beautiful home-chick like this?

Springious Breakamous

I shopped nearly all day today to buy stuff for Zoe’s birthday and her party. Woo – pinata and a razr scooter and tons of other stuff. I had been saving up a little so I could blow cash without really worrying about it, which is always fun. I am in such a great mood. I really just have been for about a week. I read some of my blog and wow… I sound damn miserable, but I really am not. Sleep deprived, yes, but unhappy, heck no!

I’m feeling better. Still sore, but not agonizingly so. And my lip is still jacked up, but it’s more cracked and chapped than fever blister-ish. I miss my normal lips. Cos they are kind of sexy.

I met with the awesome gals at the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society here in San Antonio. They asked if I would like to volunteer at this year’s walk to help develop and set up a type of memorial something to honor survivors and celebrate the lives of those we loved and lost to this hideous disease. I only hesitated a little (but still accepted) because I am going to be roadtripping again this summer when Zoe is at her father’s in New York. I am headed to New Braunfels, New York, Houston and Seattle to participate in a cancer blogger conference with the incredible Assertive Cancer Patient.

I was a little afraid to fly last year, but most of my traveling is going to be with someone or going to see someone, so I’m not as nervous about flying alone (in case I became ill, I would rather not be alone in a strange city). But even though I physically feel kind of crappy, I also feel really determined and strong. I feel more like myself than I have in a long time.

I’m crazy wide awake. There are only a few reasons why I’d like to be awake this long, and insomnia sure as heck isn’t one of them. Insanely enough the kids woke up before 7am again. I wish I could lock my door and put up a sign that says:

We’ve been having such a blast with my niece and nephew this week. It’s a bit chaotic at times but I adore them. They are all so busy busy and full of life and joy it just aches me to look at them. I’ve been a picture taking fool because the kids are so adorable so I’ve been forwarding the pictures to their parents (Sis #1) and Zoe’s father. They are just so cute I can’t take it sometimes. I wish I had a reality show to capture the wonderfulness that they are. But I’d honestly hate that because it would beyond annoying to have someone stick a camera in my face 24/7.

I also was actually kindasortakinda having a little bit of a good hair day (well at least for me with my er… “new” hair). It’s starting to look longer, which is nice. I could tell because dangit if I didn’t get checked out while shopping. Like a lot. Which never happens because I’m so nerdy looking most of the time. I also got told that I was beautiful by someone and it just made my day. Heck, I think it made my life.

So here are some of the pictures of what’s been going on. I should sooo be asleep, but tonight it just wasn’t happenin’ even though I’m just bone tired. Literally.

See how fantastic looking my babes are. They are like my other son and daughter I never had. I adore them. I miss all my family so much sometimes, but man do I ever miss them. So when we do see each other, we really make the most of it. We have been just having a blast. Saw Horton Hears a Who, gone to the park several times, saw Cirque du Soleil (um.. again.. AWESOME!!), eaten out, hung the most hilarious and eggcellent signs all over the house that the kids make – Hoping to scan my nephew’s drawing of the amazing Yao Ming. I love to hear Zoe talk with her cousins. They are so serious and they sing and are just overall genuinely hilarious.

J and J.JPG

My dad took the kids to Navarros for breakfast and then they came home and raked leaves like mad fools. Mom said they raked about $20 worth. How awesome are they?? A while back Zoe and a friend made “flyers” to pass around the neighborhood about their lawn raking “business.” Maybe she will become a tycoon some day.
raking leaves.jpg

Took these pictures at the Cirque du Soleil performance. The kids loved it and so did I. It was like a circus (which I love) mixed with Dr. Seuss (maybe Dr. Seuss on acid?) The performers are the finest athletes too. Totally amazing.
cirque.jpg precious.jpg

I can’t believe that Zoe is almost eight. She is so breathtaking beautiful that it amazes me sometimes. Even when she was a baby, people would stop me like she was the Baby Jesus or something.

zoe 9 mos.jpg

Here are pictures taken while sitting in my car sipping on my Sixbucks iced latte. I hate having my picture taken but I’d like some recent ones where my hair didn’t look so frumpy. I don’t know why, but it sure doesn’t photograph very well. It really is well… pretty. I have always had beautiful hair, but I just need to get used to it being curly.

blueeyes5.jpg blueeyes.jpg
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blueeyes 2.jpg

I can do this. But I think I’ll need a nap first.

Your assignment today is to review what you reveal to others on the internet. I’ve seen/heard stuff lately that makes me go, “What in the Sam fuck is that?” Why on earth would you write that, much less put that on the internet? (See the Elliott Spitzer hooker for an example) I know I’m not one to talk, but honestly I think at least the image (I guess that’s what you’d call it) that I project is pretty consistent and I think it’s something I would overall be really proud of. I think I’m a quality person, I love my family dearly, I’m very caring, goofy, respectful and I think that I contribute in a positive manner to my family and my community. I have had my ups and downs in life, but I think I live a pretty great life. I think people admire and respect me because of who I am and what I have done in my life. I can’t imagine the entire world knowing who you are and that your most impressive accomplishment is being a party girl or a hooker. So think about your internets image. What is it saying about you?

Ok. I just did that nod off to sleep for a second thing, so I’m off to bed. That is, if the hooligans will let me sleep.

Insane in the Membrane

I am about to take 4 children under the age of seven to the park.

God help us all!!

When I have more time, I’m going to write about the Jehovah’s witnesses and how awesome awesome awesome the Cirque du Soleil was.

I can do this. It’s finally my time.

Your assignment today is to have a damn great day no matter how crappy things might be going. Just throw your worries and cares away for just one day and focus on enjoying whatever comes your direction.

No Sleep for the Weary

I could not get to sleep last night. The last time I looked at the clock it was 4:45am. I didn’t take anything to sleep because I only have one ativan left. I am taking it tonight. Probably at 8pm.

I have a lip full of fever blisters now. Insurance issues are preventing me from getting some of my meds. I ordered some in the mail, so I’m waiting to get them. I’m going to ask a doc friend (which I hate doing) to see if he could give me some samples for a week of a few meds. I hate to ask. I hate whinese. I hate pain. It so sucks it because I’m in such a great mood. I want to be well. I want to feel well.

My trainer kicked my butt yesterday and now I can barely walk up the steps or squat enough to sit in a chair. I don’t think he has any idea what my body has been through. I can’t afford a workout that is going to make me MORE sore than I already am. As it is, I need to take daily painkillers. I try to skip a day or two here and there because I don’t like them. But then I end up walking like a 90 year old woman.

So the good news….

My niece and nephew are coming for Spring Break. I think some of my siblings might come up this week as well. It’s Zoe’s birthday week. I love her birthday and love to make a big deal about it since she’s my only kiddo. I haven’t bought her anything because she really doesn’t need anything, but I probably will just take her to Target and let her pick something out.

Sis #1 is so awesome and she bought us the tickets to go see Cirque du Soleil. I know Zoe and my sister’s kids will love the show. I’m going to take Mom too. I think it’s going to be soooo cool.

Ok. I’m sure there’s more good news, but I think I might need a little nap before I pick up the Zoester.

I can do this. I feel craptastic, but I’m still here.

Your assignment today is to help a friend if you can. Long time reader and a good soul is having some bad bad bad health problems. Pam has been through hell and back, but she always is so sweet. She asked if I could spread the word.

Need big prayers and financial help big time for things like utilities, gas, copays etc if you don’t mind posting for prayers and such.
Benefit info:
Pam Carman Fund
Attn:Sandra Jackson
2968 Soapstone Mountain Road
Staley, NC 27355
or paypal of


Sometimes it’s hard to be a blogger. People in your life are busy, so they just stop in and read your blog to check in on you. But they stop talking to you sometimes. And since they read your blog, they feel connected to you and cool about it because they know you are still going. It feels lonely sometimes. I’ve gotten really close with some people and then they just get too busy to chat or call. But as long as they see a post, they know you are still alive.

I really miss my Houston friends. I have zero social life here. Maybe this summer I can crash somewhere in Houston so I can have some fun and just see people. I want to spend some time in Austin too, but not sure where to stay for a long period of time.