Is it Wednesday

Just when I think I can’t be in any more pain.


I am.

I can barely walk. I’m miserable even with painkillers. Sleep is the only thing that makes it go away. I feel like my body is shutting down.

I hate this. I want to enjoy life. Not whinese my way through it.

Sluggy Bear

I’m too tired to write much.


I’m back in San Antonio. But here is a recap from my Houston visit.

No diagnosis on the neck swelling/pain. Cat scan was normal reading. They mostly concentrated on getting rid of the bronchitis and why I keep having fevers. Had a chest x-ray – all clear (yay)

Had some blood work done. All good, low magnesium, low immunosuppressant level (no bueno)

Met with Dr. Q, my MDA transplant doctor. Tells me that I need to up my magnesium and my tacro (immunosuppressant). I got a rash the day before my appointment. They did a skin biopsy (results not ready yet) to see if it is graft vs. host disease. I got a few stitches, but it wasn’t really painful.

Dr. Q thinks that because I stopped the steroids while my tacro level was so low (since Feb, but hey… they didn’t tell me to take more) that my body may be overwhelmed with graft vs. host issues.

He also got some blood tests to check some muscle level to see if perhaps I have gvh in my muscles, which would explain the extreme shortness of breath and the muscle pain. He also said that I really do need to find an oncologist in San Antonio, and a primary care physician. These might be tricky as I’m about to lose my insurance and have some issues with Medicare (missed some dang deadline – long story). He also told me that Dr. B at the transplant clinic should be my primary transplant doctor and that I should only go to MDA for checkups. This is not sitting well with me as every time I see Dr. B or anyone else at Methodist I end up with some big out of pocket expenses.

I’m pretty frustrated with all of this. I still feel terrible and am living on vicodin. I’m try to be more positive about this and move more, but I feel like my muscles are on fire. I’m just a mess. Truly.

Zoe is great. She’s been so sweet to me. I missed her so much and am trying so hard to feel better so that I can do more things with her. Lots of school, soccer, and girl scout activities coming up that I need to do.

Oh well. I can do this. I have my family and their love.

Your assignment today is to start eating healthy. Be good to yourself. Get a massage. Take a bath. Hug someone.

P.S. Happy belated birthday to my cousin Rebecca. She’s my godmother and is super cool and awesome!!

Yup, She’s a Badass

I think the chicas in my family are just a bunch of badasses!

Sis #2 got her blackbelt – woo!


(her arm)

She says,

“two years training

25 lbs lighter


She’s awesome. I’m so proud of her. We had a sort-of surprise party dinner for her Friday night. She had no idea we’d be there, but Mom, Dad, Zoe, Sis #1 and my niece and I were all there. The look of surprise on her face was priceless. She kicked butt – I never doubted she could do it. Sis #2 ROCKS IT!!

A Call From the Bird Talker

For Zoe:

Zoe called me up and was like, “Mom! Listen to this.” Then she proceeded to Arm Pit Fart for about 30 seconds. She found it entirely hilarious.

She’s totally my child.

I remember she was little when she saw something on tv that said if you put spaghetti in your armpit (although then she called them armpins) that you could make a farting noise. She totally tried it too one night. What a mess.


I have 3 doctor appointments tomorrow. Nine, 9:30 and 1:30. I emailed them today and said that I’m still having low grade fevers. I am just losing faith that they can figure out what’s wrong with me.

I don’t even want to think about the insurance mess I’m fixin to be in. Sis #1 is trying to help me figure it all out, so I’m not going to worry about it.

I can do this. It’s been a long week of missing my Zoester.

Your assignment today is to try to do something immature and childish – like armpit fart. Or do a cartwheel. Play with Play Doh or squirt a water gun. Zoe just made me crack up tonight. I want to see that squeezer so bad.

Well Hell

My fever is back. I’m still hacking. The antibiotics are making me nauseated. Zoe is missing me like crazy and vice versa.

For Zoe – one of our favorite songs that I’d love if Allison S could sing a video (pretty please):


Will this ever end? Which way? Dying or getting better?

I feel like flipping a fucking coin or checking with my magic 8 ball. It probably would tell me more than the doctors can.

I can do this. Even though I don’t feel like I can anymore.

Your assignment today is to wish Sis #2 some good mojo. Saturday she is going for her blackbelt in Tae Quan Do. She’s a badass and I love her!!

I really miss Zoe. It hurts.

For someone else. You know who you are.