Gain Some Perspective, Geniuses

Uh. Yeah!

I’m going to tell a few of you off, but read this over and over until you can admit to yourself that you need some help. I love you. I always will. All of you, please remember this:

As long as I’m living, I’ll be waiting
As long as I’m breathing, I’ll be there
Whenever you call me, I’ll be waiting
Whenever you need me, I’ll be there

[deb_bitch]

 

I’m in a bad bad bad mood.

Conversations with me:

“Why is it that I’m the suicidal one, yet you get the terminal disease.”

“Funny, but for as much as you and Jeanne fear death. I would almost welcome it.”

“If I were in your position, I wouldn’t go through treatment. I’m already ready to die.”

“I’d rather be dead than in so much pain like you are.”

HERE YOU GO!

1-800-273-TALK Suicide Hotline

1-800-448-3000 Depression Hotline

I’m sick of it. I’m sick of your self-pity. Quit piling shit on your head, as Momo G would say. You all may never ever ever speak to me again, but it’s much better than listening to how you have such a horrible life that you’d rather die. I’m here for you, but I can’t take that crap anymore. It makes me sick to my stomach. It hurts my heart and hurts my feelings.

I’m trying so damn hard, and so many of my friends are trying to live through treatment. Trying to live through surviving. I have seen so many of us fight like hell to live. Just to live. Live through pain. Live through sickness and poverty, nausea and agony without giving up or losing hope. And it’s not just cancer. There are so many that live day to day with chronic illness. With severe depression. With disability. With mental illness. My military friends see so much death and destruction, I don’t know how any of them don’t lose their minds. It’s not an easy thing, but we still do it because our will to live is overpowering. It just is.

I don’t even pray anymore that they (or me) thrive. After what we’ve experienced, it’s enough just to ask that we be allowed to grow old. I have given up on love, on feeling great again, on feeling powerful and strong physically (at least for now). But I will never give up on life, even if I know I’m dying. Or on finding joy. Or being alive! I just want to have more days where I’m not in severe pain than not. I will fight death so I can watch my daughter grow up and laugh and find joy. I falter sometimes, but not that often, and not for long. Zoe MAKES me not give up. She truly is the keeper of my hope.

And YOU have the fucking nerve to tell me that you want to die? FUCK YOU! I mean it – FUCK YOU. Even jokingly, still, #^&@# you!!! If you had any sense whatsoever, you’d apologize to me. I don’t feel your apology when you say you are sorry you affronted me. I want you to KNOW why what your said is inappropriate to say to me or anybody actually. And really feel sorry that you didn’t get that point. That you don’t get that point because you have your head up your ass feeling sorry for yourself all the time.

And then you should send me flowers because I’m awesome or make a donation to the Leukemia Society in Brenda’s name. I’ll forgive you because I know your agony, but I still am pissed at you. It’s not about you. It’s not about me scolding you. It’s about ME getting angry. Tell your priest or counselor, but if you constantly Eeyore, leave your friends and loved ones out of it. You’re basically telling everyone to fuck off because we aren’t important enough to live for. I know how that feels, I’ve been there. But I also know that I am resilient, that I was being unfair, and I will persevere. I will try as hard as I can not to hurt my loved ones. That I also owe it to all my friends who didn’t make it.

I’ve seen them die. So many of them. I’ve mourned. And agonized over people that died too early. People who just couldn’t survive. They didn’t make it. Their families who lose so much. For my army penpal, Stephen Maddies, who was 18 days from coming home before he was picked off by a sniper.

I can’t tell you how many nights I prayed and prayed and cried for my friends. For my daughter and my family. For my beloved friends who want so much to live. When Brenda was dying, I thought God was going to cover His ears just because we all prayed so hard for her to live. I tried to will her to live and Paula and Ashley and Pam and all the many others. Knowing that one day people might be doing that for me. That in a heartbeat it could all happen to any of us. Dying really isn’t anything you can control. So I try not to worry about it. It just makes me cry. And I give my worries up to God. I let people in. I find the joy instead of constantly dwelling on the sorrow. Be grateful for the things and people you do have instead of balling up into yourself and becoming so self obsessed and absorbed. You all have children for God’s sake and many many people that love you.

Honesty, I think my life is pretty damn great. Even through all of this, I still think I’m lucky, blessed, grateful, etc. I have my family. I have friends. My life isn’t always perfect, but sometimes I just want to say FUCKING COWBOY UP! Everyone has problems. I know my family takes care of me, don’t tell me I’m spoiled. I’m entirely grateful for that. But I am the one in pain and I’m the one taking meds and seeing doctors all the time. I’m the one that KEEPS me alive. Don’t you even think that for ONE DAMN minute that I wouldn’t trade everything to get my old life back. To being able to take care of myself and feel better and normal. To working. I’m not lucky. I’m grateful that I do have people that are willing to help me, but it all starts with you allowing people in. By asking for help when you need it. And by getting the help instead of being so damn stubborn and try to do it on your own.

I know that your problems are serious and seem overwhelming. But sometimes you just have to deal. If it’s something you can change, then change it – make a point to change it and DO it, don’t just talk about it.

But if there is nothing you can do, don’t let it shut down your entire life. Stop freaking out. It’s not like that will help or make it go away. If you can’t function or cope, then GET SOME HELP!!! Not only that ACCEPT HELP from people that love and care about you. No man is an island.

Maybe if you did get help, or allow people in your life, rediscover your joy and what you are grateful for, you might actually BE able to cope with your problems. Not that it will make it go away or change anything, but it might help you deal with it instead of freaking out and losing your focus.

I think one of the great things I inherited from my mother is the ability to persevere through the hard times. Of course everyone gets down once in a while. But even when it’s been hard, I still can find something in myself to get through it all. I think coming to the realization “that it is what it is” (thanks Sis #1). I know that everyone deals with things differently, but when people tell you … hey, maybe you need to get some help and you refuse, then you need a kidney punch. Stop wallowing. You know you’re wallowing. Stop piling shit on your head and feeling sorry for yourself.

Because, you know what? WE LOVE YOU!! But even people that love you don’t want to hear about your issues if you don’t deal with them and constantly talk about how shitty everything is. Fix it or shut up. Maybe it’s time for some therapy or some pills.

I know that there are people who are way worse off than I am. I’m not starving. I have a roof over my head even if I don’t own it. I can see and hear and laugh and talk and write. I’m not dying, but guess what, I’ll still find joy until I stop breathing. I will find things to be grateful for every day. I will still laugh and read jokes and find humor in the absurd.

Tell jokes when you are getting a bone marrow biopsy and then I’ll tell you HELL YEAH! If you are sick and you can plant tomatoes and walk your dog – HELL YEAH! If you can wear full makeup when you’re bald, barfing and unable to walk and still have some attitude – or work part time and raise your child and kiss your husband when you feel like crap – or take gorgeous photos when you are dealing with depression — HELL YEAH!! If you get your ass to the gym, even if you weigh 300 pounds… Well you know what I’d say. Do it! I’ll high five you. Stop and “accept the good.”

Now that’s called perspective.

I love you, but I want you to try. Please get help.

Just this very moment I heard Lenny Kravitz’s song “If You Want It.

Looking through life’s window pane
Don’t you sit around wasting time
That would be a crying shame
There’s a power that’s deep inside
And it burns just like a flame
Just believe and you will see that God
Will shower you like pouring rain
If you want it
You can change your world today
If you want it
Just break free and walk away
There’s a reason
For you to explore
Why you’re here
What do you say
And the beauty is that you’re the one
Who controls just how you play

There’s a choice that you need to make
One is ore and one is clay
So drop your chains and take up your cross
And let Jesus make your way
If you want it
You can change
Your world today
If you want it
Just break free and walk away
If you want it
You can change your evil ways
If you want it
Just break free and walk away

If you want it
You can change your world today
If you want it
Just break free and walk away
If you want it
You can change your evil ways
If you want it

Just break free
And walk away
—————–
I can do this. I won’t give up. And I won’t give up on you. [/deb_bitch]

Your assignment. Check yer perspective today.


 Create Your Own

Songs that came on while I was writing this:

Life Without You – Stevie Ray Vaughn
I’d Rather Go Blind – Etta James
Beatles Covers – Imagine by Jack Johnson
Oh My Love – Jackson Browne
Beautiful Boy – Ben Harper
For the Weary – Allison Sattinger
Why Do I Love You – Jesse Dayton
Reservations – Wilco
Dumb – Nirvana
Christmas Time is Here – Vince Guaraldi Trio

Christmas Time Is Here
Written by Vince Guaraldi, Lee Mendelson

Christmas time is here
Happiness and cheer
Fun for all that children call
Their favorite time of the year

Snowflakes in the air
Carols everywhere
Olden times and ancient rhymes
Of love and dreams to share

Sleigh bells in the air
Beauty everywhere
Yuletide by the fireside
And joyful memories there

Christmas time is here
We’ll be drawing near
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year
Oh, that we could always see
Such spirit through the year…

Love love and more love.

paypal – a nifty new button

Thanks to Sis #1 for this:

 

Support this blog. Pretty pretty please.

I don’t like ads on my site. I don’t like to mess with my blog a whole lot (e.g. the horrid orange experiment change). I just like to write. And I like to blog. I want to write. And I’m not working anymore. There are lots of reasons for that, but they hurt my head just to think about. So here I am. I hope to be here for a heckofa long time too!

I can do this. My brain is on overdrive and it’s like that scene from Jerry Maguire where he stays up all night writing his mission statement. It’s a great scene. I love that movie.

I have a vision and I’m going to be recruiting soon. I have a whole debu_team behind me!

 

Nabbed from my writing guru Jeanne:

But I still need to make some money from the blog, which takes the best hours and the best energy of my day. [aside] not as much of my energy as Jeanne. I haven’t been putting much time into blogging lately, but I love it. And eventually I know that God has a plan for me and somehow my writing and blogging and passion about leukemia awareness will be in that plan. Anything can happen. I just have a feeling.[/aside]

The result? The donate button.

Thank you for any cash that you might be able to spare. I appreciate it more than you will ever know.

A special thanks to the cancer patients who have sent me donations, and then apologize for not being able to send more!

 

I know who my audience is, so I expected that if people were able to send a donation at all, it would be in the $10 to $20 range. Those $20 contributions are keeping me at the keyboard, blogging away.

A note about using PayPal: You can make a donation by clicking on the donate button and going through PayPal without setting up a PayPal account if you don’t want one. There is an option to simply pay with a credit card.

Man-o-gram – More Parity in Cancer Awareness Advertising

No lie.
And I’m sorry if some of these ads are explicit, but gosh, if we can have the kind of pinkgasm with Breast Cancer Awareness to the point where it is in grocery stores, charity races, clothing, kitchen kitsch, schools, ribbonsgalore, decorating entire buildings swathed in pinkstink, why not make other cancers more accessible and talk about them as well? When will it be ok to speak the word “prostate or colon” cancers without the usual *whisper?*

The Google. She scares me. I just found my favorite new site. The gofugyourself.com of advertising. I have yet to reach the end of the internets. Must sleep soon.

 

Some parity for the boys. Again, some very sad, some ridiculous, some surreal, some informational, but it doesn’t seem quite as humiliating as Jingle Jugs for Life. Then again, check out Carpe Testes: Be a Man – Self Exam. Looks like men perhaps are more visual and need videos?

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Prostate Cancer Earrings?? They will make anything just to make a buck!
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I liked this ad:

Song Lyrics

Prosty the Spokesgland
Is a prostate gland, we’re told
Buried deep inside largely out of sight
He’s ignored by young and old

Prosty the Spokesgland
How we hope that lump’s benign
But it’s hard to say
Cause the only way
To diagnose and treat is blind

There might just be some cancer
In that lump they found today
But we really can’t be sure right now
Cause you can’t trust the PSA

Prosty the Spokesgland
Spreads the word on what we need
No more pokes and prods
No more biopsies
How about some imaging?

Prosty the Spokesgland
It’s time that we all gave a damn
Cause we know he needs
New technologies
Like a hi-tech Man-ogram

Lumpety lump lump
Lumpety lump lump
Look at Prosty grow
Lumpety lump lump
Lumpety lump lump
No more bending over so

Parity in Cancer Awareness Advertising

My beloved Jeanne S sent us to Hoyden’s awesome site Hoyden About Town and a new entry for Jeanne’s How Low will Komen Go Contest. I know Jeanne’s busy, so I’m posting a few new entries here. I so *heart* Jeanne.

What I learned from all of my Googling is that no matter what type of cancer you type into Google, it always brings up breast cancer awareness stuff. Kidney, Pancreas, Colon, Thyroid, Leukemia, Rectal, Lung, etc etc etc. My generic search term was “_______ cancer” awareness. Sometimes I would include the word advertising. On one hand, yay for getting the word out about breast cancer, but shit, the rest of the groups need some time too. Some of the ads were disgusting. Some were thought-provoking. Some were ridiculous. But Google and Google Images is an amazing tool. Although I could spend all day finding this stuff.

Today was kind of like work, when I used to research terms about soil and sediment sampling. (I used to be an editor and read EPA documents – yawn) I have to make myself eat as I kind of lose my appetite. Cancer advertisements – YUCK! At my office, the grossest were industrial blenders used for testing animals for PCB contamination. Rat and possums in blender makes for a nasty smoothie.

 

So, Hoyden, who is a girl after my own heart, enters the HLWKG Contest with the following entry. It was so brilliant I had to snag it.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake. The latest in the Mmm, Sexy Pink Breast Cancer! Save The Boobies Awareness sweepstakes comes from Mount Franklin, purveyors of pointless, wasteful, plastic-ridden, environmentally unfriendly bottled water. They’ve been doing the pink lids for a while, but these “every mouthful” advertisements are new.”

 

“Two water bottles with pink lids, photographed from above. See? They look like boobs! Boobies that could fit in your mouth! Cancer’s so sexy! Hahahaha!” The text reads:

Every mouthful helps
RAISE AWARENESS
for breast cancer research



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So then she “kicks off our contest for photoshopped brown colon cancer awareness producternalia.”

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So I decided to Google “CANCER ADVERTISING” and “FUNNY CANCER ADVERTISING.” Some are clever, some are disgusting. I wonder how effective they are. Credit for many of them goes toAdverbox Advertising Blog.
SKIN CANCER

“Please take care this summer” Skin Cancer Awareness Towel.

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Skin Cancer Awareness (kind of NSFW – but not too bad – Just damn funny so watch the whole clip)

CERVICAL CANCER
EEKS from Kristinwalldesigns. My mother looked and said, “Well she certainly couldn’t diagnose herself THAT way.”
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THYROID CANCER

“The fastest growing cancer among women is not what you think.”

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Hmmmm what could this be? Could it be BOOBIES? Wowweewoowee!!!!
LUNG CANCER

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Much too soon for this ad: “Terrorism-related deaths since 2001: 11,337 – Tobacco-related deaths since 2001: 30,000,000″

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A panel was placed in smoking areas, featuring a cemetery view from the top. Wonder if that would make anyone quit?
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COLON CANCER

The Super Colon

Ok. I’ve had a colonoscopy, so I thought this was totally cool – click the next link for some additional pictures. It’s an 8 feet by 20 feet inflatable replica of the human colon. And it travels around the country to raise awareness of colon cancer. An inflatable, 20-foot long, 8-foot high replica of a human colon, is an interactive educational tool that is teaching people all across America that colorectal cancer is preventable, treatable and beatable! As visitors walk through the Super Colon, they get an up-close look at:

* healthy colon tissue
* tissue with non-malignant colorectal disease like Crohns and colitis
* colorectal polyps
* various stages of colorectal cancer

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This advertisement didn’t quite cut it.

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Various pinkishoctober boob, er tasteful, advertising. Meh.

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Check yer boobs. Just not while driving. Thanks Ad Blog Arabia (not going to link b/c of odd searches) and issmatblog.wordpress.com
CLICK PICTURE FOR LARGER IMAGE

Yay for Pink Crap – Feelup yer boobs!

CLICK TO ENLARGE THIS BEAUTIFUL [hork]ADVERTISEMENT[/hork]

Hey Fiona, this Mouse Pad came from Hong Kong (Not really safe for work, but click on the link if you can) As it says “EXAMINE REGULARLY!” Like any self-respecting woman would have that mousepad on her desk.

And my supreme finalist for the How Low Will Komen Go contest is this rubbery boob mousepad.
ENGLISH TRANSLATION: Frequent massaging breasts enables you to detect breast cancer before it strikes. CLICK ON THE PICTURE TO SEE THE EXTRA LARGE DEGRADING IMAGE.

Ok. So how’s that for a little parity.

I can do this. I’m up against insane ads.

Your assignment today is to send me a link if you find one on some wackadoodle cancer ads.

I did find a few leukemia ads. They totally of broke my heart. It’s like the other ads are all jokes compared to these.

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It doesn’t get much sadder than this. Especially when you look at the big picture. Saddest funeral ever.

October 21, 2005

Three years to the day a trip to the ER saved my life. And I’m still here. Without energy to write anything, but here I is.

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I kind of miss my old blog. Work. Weirdos. Life. Love. Nothingness. Pain and Hope. It hurts to read some of it. Especially on days that I feel like cacapoopoo. Reading October 2005 makes me cry and laugh. The greatest of emotions. The ache of those words. That time.

Three years to the day, my friend’s twin girls were born. I don’t know why, but at the time it felt reassuring. Life. Beautiful perfect little girls. Little twin angels. Then I met you and you and you. All my internets.

Today:

I took cough syrup and it made my nose run while I was coughing up my entire spleen.

I didn’t feel like eating whatsoever. I had Sixbucks.

I was online way too much. Dude city.

I have a new penpal overseas. I be prayin for the dude. He thinks I’m cute.

Talked to another dude tonight. He sent me some pictures which were oddly wonderful because they were artistic and he’s beautiful. Funny, he was pretty cool. You think that a man that gorgeous would be so full of himself, but he was amazingly insightful and thoughtful. He is one of those people that you hope to know your whole life.

Got called a pussy by this stuck-up Republican dude because he has rheumatoid arthritis and doesn’t take pain meds. I told him to go fuck himself. With the appropriate punctuation.

I got 9234823098 text messages from a secret agent. No really, he’s some kind of spy or something.

I got 2 text messages from Tim. Oddly familiar and sweet.

And I met a San Antonio Tim who took Zoe and me out to eat sushi. He’s a rare true Southern gentleman and he got Zoe’s shoe off the roof.

Zoe read her book. It’s cute when she can’t read a word and she spells it. I half hear her and she has to repeat it several times before I can figure it out. I’m a site reader. She brings home like six library books every day. Bookmarks in all of them. Like mother like daughter.

I prayed. I prayed a lot today.

Bren/Cody’s Mom reminded me of Yatzee. We used to call it Snotzee and it’s too gross of a story. Even for me.

Every time I get a headache, and I think it can’t get any worse, it does.

Zoe is bright and lovely. A bright shining star. Showing me the way. Just when I think I couldn’t possibly love that child any more, I do. I just do.

Thank you God for my three extra years. I pray for more, but I’ll take what I can get right about now.

I think Nico is dying. I’m the last one now. The last one of 25. How does that make sense?

Pray like hell. I miss all of them. So many nameless familiar MD Anderson faces. All gone. And Brenda. And Sarah and Nikki, and Clem and Paula and Ashley and Victoria and Liza and Robbi and Robin and Pam and Cookie and Joan, and sweet Kadin and Eric and Laiken and Steven, and S’s Gayle, Nick Harriet and Joseph, and there are so many I begin to forget and then I remember and remember and remember and then Zoe.

I can do this. I just can.

Your assignment today is to listen to music and just dance around. Thank you Sisters for my iPod. It is my memory and my joy. It makes me cry and laugh at the same time. It just does.

Thank you.

You may groan if you want to

Brothel parrot has new home

 

A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

‘Why so little,’ she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, ‘Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.’

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.

She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,

‘New house, new madam.’

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought ‘that’s really not so bad.’

When her 2 teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw them and said, ‘New house, new madam, new girls.’

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman’s husband Keith came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said, “Hi Keith”

I just coughed up a lung

I still have this cold. It’s more of a non-stop cough.

I have had it for 8 days now. Mom had it and she seems better already. I don’t have a fever, so I really don’t want to go to the doctor and pay for it because I STILL DON’T HAVE INSURANCE!

Good thing I’m in a great mood. I think I may sleep today since Zoe has brownies after school. Friday night her troop is spending the night at the zoo in the education center. How cool is that?

Although she’s very conflicted because Friday is the opening of High School Musical 3 (blegh).

I need to get better asap. We are having a board game night on November 1st. A gaggle of 8 year olds. It should be a blast – spooky pizza party – woo!

Ok. Lots of paperwork to do today and some sleepage.

I can do this. As long as I don’t cough up my spleen next.

Your assignment today is to tell me your favorite family board game. Zoe likes Mancala and I like Scene It.

Sista Power!!

Sis #3 is a freelance internet marketing queen and writer. She just posted a blog with a friend of hers and it has a link to my deb_fund paypal account. It is so humbling, but I appreciate her help so much. If you need: Branding, Information Architecture, Blog or Social Media Consulting, and Newsletter Creation, look my sister up!

Please go check out her post with the amazing Lynn Bender playing to help raise cashamatoma.

Sis #3 also did a Tweeter blood drive in Austin last July and 80 people showed up to donate blood. It was twice the amount of traffic that the blood center usually gets. She’s just awesome.

 

From Sis #2. I can’t read this without just tearing up. She posted it on her flickr account for Pink Tuesday.

cancer effects more than those diagnosed…

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on 10/21/2005, my whole world, as i knew it, collapsed. my older sister, Debby, was diagnosed with leukemia and from that day forward i would be her 5 year old daughter’s surrogate mother for the next 8 months.

it’s devastating when you first get the news, and a roller coster of emotions as you struggle with the fate of your love one going through battle after battle… with the disease, the insurance company, daily life, treatments, colds that could kill…

as the sister, it was my job to keep the calm, to raise her daughter as my own, and to have an exterior of “life is normal” when inside you are feeling anything but “normal.”

while this is breast cancer awareness month, for me it is the month of awareness of the disease that almost took my sister’s life.

for more information about my sister and her struggle with leukemia, go to my sister’s blog: debutaunt.com/

Guess What?

It’s sis #2′s BIRTHDAY – WOO!!

Sis #2 is like Zoe’s second mom. When I got sick, Zoe had to live with my sis for 8 or 9 months. It was so hard to be away from Zoe that long but I knew that Zoe adores her cousins and that Sis #2 loves and cares for Zkat just as much as I do. There’s just such a special bond between me and my 3 sisters. But it became even tighter when my older sis #1 and Sis #2 were pregnant at the same time (can you say hormonal nightmare?) Sis #3 lives in Austin and she is like my little heart. She’s 13 years younger and was like my baby for so long. When I got sick, she took two weeks off to come care for me. She’s so thoughtful and caring and I’d do just about anything for her.

Sis #3′s not married yet (no clue why because she’s smart and beyond beautiful) We fought like cats and dogs when we were little, but this day, I feel so close to my sisters and our children are really close. Zoe misses them all the time and when they are together it’s like class reunion day or something. I think they are all more like brothers and sisters than cousins.

I miss all three of my sisters so much. I remember Zoe was upset and crying one day. It was after she came home from her father’s for the summer. She told me, “I wish all the people I loved lived in the same city as me.” I most certainly wish that about all my sisters as well.

You’re assignment today is to wish Sis #2 a Happy Birthday in the most festivus manner possible. She’s awesome.

Sis #2 takes great pictures. Check her out on flickr. She lives in Houston so find her if you want some cool portraits or prints of her pictures.

Ahhhhhhh it was a ….

HAIR transplant that McNotBaldCain was referring to. Because his joke on Biden in the other debate didn’t go over so haha funneh, he thought he’d trying it again. While other life-saving transplant patients and I were muttering to ourselves, “Did he just say what I thought he said?”

But in this day and age, honestly I think if you don’t go all catface woman or Michael Jackson with your plastic surgery and don’t go overboard, so what? I know what it’s like to be bald. It’s uncomfortable, and I don’t think it had anything to do with me being a woman. I felt… exposed. But I knew that mine would grow back. When men add some hair, they look younger. I’m sure it makes them feel more handsome or how they used to feel before they lost their hair.

If women can wear those nasty woven and cheap looking extensions and weaves, have fake boobs and fake nails and fake tans, what’s wrong with a man wanting his hair back? And if they can fix it without making it look like a bad rug, go for it.

I actually dig the bald dude look on most men. I like it when they shave it close to the head. (warning, sunscreen is necessary). It’s kind of cool looking on men.

I can do this even though I was temporarily flabbergasted by McCain’s transplant comment (thanks Jessicacarrot and Collins – y’all rock!)

Your assignment today is to look in the mirror and say, I look damn good, and then check yerself out!

 

But before you get any plastic surgery, take some tips from this site. It’s not called Awfulplasticsurgery.com for nothing.

Poor Janice Dickenson.

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And that cute hottie McHotster Mickey Rourke. Although I do believe he initially had surgery after a car accident or injury.

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