The Magical Cancer Fund

I see all this pink stuff every October (and now it’s year round) and it’s very disheartening.

Right now it’s serving as a glaring reminder how people are actually making money off of a disease and many of us are completely struggling to make it. If it were not for my family, and the no rent situation, I have no idea how I’d live on the disability I receive every month. And no. I still can’t work yet, so don’t go there.


What good is awareness and early detection if once you get cancer – any cancer, not just breast cancer – if you can’t pay for your treatment? Or your medications. Or health insurance. Or even be eligible for health insurance.

Many are so fatigued, they can’t work full time even if they wanted. Many cancers don’t end with the end of treatment. They have side effects from the treatment (which sometime end up killing you). They get secondary cancers. They relapse. Or, in my case, I have gotten several different diseases, most likely as a result from my meds or all the treatment I have had.

Medicaid and Medicare sound so magically delicious, but apparently you end up paying much more out of pocket than when you had private insurance. This came from my hospital from a person that helps patients figure out how they can get any financial aid to pay for coverage. Medicare only pays for a few medications a month and you end up having to pay for supplemental Medicare insurance or special prescription plans.

Your private insurance will only last so long, btw. Cobra max now, I think, is 29 months. I’m ineligible for any type of private insurance other than the Texas High Risk pool. The premium is crazily expensive and you aren’t allowed to be reimbursed for your premium by any hospital or government agency. MD Anderson has covered the majority of my Cobra payments as I qualified for their financial aid. But come Nov 1st, that ends.

The $4 WalmartTargetHEB prescription generally are only for basic types of prescriptions; like high blood pressure, diabetes meds, cholesterol drugs. Not one of my 28 medications are listed on that list.

I have a dear friend who needs a drug for her treatment. Even with Medicare, she has to spend $1600 on her med co-pay. This is more than what she receives from her Social Security disability payment. And Montel Williams rolling his bus past her house will not help pay for her drugs. Neither will the drug companies because she *has* prescription coverage. Yeah. One drug. $1600 a month. That’s really some great coverage.

Pink away. Make millions from and for “the cause.” While so many people who are going through treatment or living with cancer struggle to live our “new lives.”

I don’t have the answer. Even if there was some magical cancer fund, it most certainly would have run out years ago. Awareness. No cure yet. It is too little too late for those of us who have been there. It is depressing to see the cute, pink, ribbon wrapped cancer crap. I don’t buy it because I think it’s horrible. But I also don’t buy it because I don’t have any extra money to buy that shit.

Bitter? Hell yes. I’m not shitting rainbows and riding unicorns today. So before you say, “Be grateful, you’re still breathing,” please just shut up. Go away. I don’t have to be chipper all the time and I’m not going to posture like everything is all right. I do that most days of the year and for today I just want to feel shitty. And bitter. And hate people who are profiting off of a disease right now. Go buy a breast cancer Barbie, some pink batteries and drill a hole in your head with your pink electric drill. When you’re done, you can patch it up with pink bandaids and then eat a rGB yogurt, lick the lid and mail that bacteria laden lid in to Yoexploit.

I would love to be able to give my friend a million dollars so she didn’t have the financial stress to go along with the stress she already has from dealing with her cancer. I would love the magical cancer fun. Don’t you think we have enough stress in our lives already?

I have many reasons that I am grateful. I am alive. I have my family and friends. But the struggle to not give up is getting harder every day. The daily struggle of taking meds, feeling like crap, med side effects and wondering if this cold or this cold or this cold is going to kill me is getting really old.

Livestrong my ass. This “new life” isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Right now I’m living kind of weak I’d say.

I can do this. I wish someone would start a magical cancer fund. The LLS, Komen, Livestrong, ACS … how many are helping us… I mean really?

No assignment today. I’m feeling grouchy.